Monday, February 01, 2010

Confessions of a Middle Aged Man

I will turn fifty years old this year, The Big Five-Oh. That means it’s a virtual certainty that I have made it more than halfway through my Earthly journey.
So, I have decided to commemorate this auspicious circumstance I will randomly confess some of my shortcomings. Let’s start here: I’m a packrat. There, Honey, I admit it.
I have neckties that are now 30 years old. I have shirts that are older: rugby shirts, Polo shirts, tee shirts, Hawaiian shirts, you name it. They’re in boxes in the attic, stuffed in drawers, stashed in closets in my old room at my father’s house. What do I plan to do with them? I have no clue. Somewhere down the line, maybe somebody will make a memory quilt with them or something.
Sure, they’re out of style and way too small. But, you never know when you might need a tee shirt emblazoned with a CBS promotional slogan for the 1980 TV season.
I also have memorabilia from my many years in the media: Super Bowl passes, laptop cases with various logos, V-Neck sweaters from media days for some kind of horse race, miniature souvenir baseball bats commemorating ballpark openings. The list goes on and on.
My wife is such a spectacular person; I can truly say I only remember being legitimately upset with her one time. Years ago, without asking, she threw out a bunch of old CD’s. What was she thinking? I need therapy for this.
Here’s the newest collection: commemorative footballs. I have a Louisiana Tech football signed by former head coach Derek Dooley, a football from the 2009 Army-Navy game, and balls emblazoned with the logos of teams that have participated in any number of Independence Bowls. What am I supposed to do with those? I don’t have any kind of display case set up in my home or anything like that.
Know where they are? The bottom of my closet, right under a bunch of ball caps I never wear any more. Let’s see, there’s one from the hockey team, another from the baseball team, one from that golf tournament, one from a festival, Oh, look! Saints! A couple or three or four or more from TV stations...and way in the back corner, one from the USFL champion Baltimore Stars….

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