Wednesday, February 27, 2008

I Guess I'm Going to Hell

Pope Benedict's beer
Originally uploaded by Condemned Soul
Pope Benedict is from Germany, and an e-mail prankster has shown us his vision of inevitable changes in Holy Communion. I have to admit I laughed out loud.
This comes in the wake of a spirited discussion I had recently with a buddy who attends a local Assembly of God church. He asked me, with a straight face, if I believe Catholics are Christians. Days earlier a close friend who attends the same church asked me if it's true that Catholics are taught NOT to read the Bible. I wonder what they're teaching out there.
My response to each question was about the same. It was something along the lines of "That question, quite frankly, is so utterly preposterous that it borders on incomprehensible." I grew up Catholic and suffered significant ridicule because of it from the bigoted mouths of some of my Southern Baptist relatives.
There's a lot of disinformation being taught in "Christian" churches, but this is not my fight.
My lifelong best friend, a devout Roman Catholic, saw these mocked-up Pope images and wrote to me, "Just to let you know, I’m praying for your soul!!!"
In the end, that's really all I can ask for.

Pope Benedict XVI
Originally uploaded by drew_073
By the way, the Holy Father will make his first trip to the United States as Pope in April. He will celebrate mass in two baseball stadiums, the brand new Washington Nationals Park and Yankee stadium. Attendance won't be an issue. 46,000 seats will be available in Washington, D.C., and 57,000 will be available at New York City. Demand for tickets so far is essentially tripling capacity.
There may actually be scalpers. It would be pure profit, too. The Church won't charge admission for mass!
Since we're having Church With The Big Guy at the ballpark, beer and pretzels might be appropriate after all. I mean, who says he can only consecrate wine and wafers? Peanuts and Cracker Jacks can't be far behind.
Sing along: Take me out to the ball game, Take me out to the mass..."

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Unknown said...

I also wonder what they are being told at the Assembly of God churches. Some years back, I was watching their service on Television while flipping channels and Duron made a comment about the Pope being the anti-Christ. As a Catholic, I have to wonder about their preoccupation with other religions. As a Catholic, I was never taught to criticize other Christian religions and I have had 16 years of Catholic education.

It always worries me when someone presumes that their way is the only way. It seems to border on arrogance.

Workman said...

Don't get me started. Way too many people in the south think my people (the Mormons) eat our babies. Several denominations actually offer 6 week Sunday School classes about how awful we are.

As for your "take me out to the ball game" adaptation, I'd be careful. All the rhymes I could come up with for the unwritten 4th line were pretty naughty.

Anonymous said...

Seven years ago this April-- we had just arrived in "Middle of Nowhere, GA." My husband had been here for a few months, and he had already signed out son up for county recreation department baseball. Practice started a week after we got here. An assistant coach, always took our son to practice. He called a few afternoons later and said "Don't panic"- never good words to start a conversation. Seems our son had attempted to catch a fly ball with his eye instead of his glove. Nice gash in the eyebrow. Blood, of course.
So they went to the emergency room of our hospital- yes, we have one-my husband and I met them there. Going through the forms, the clerk gets to the part about "religious affiliation"- I guess that's if you're dying and need comfort or whatever... Her question to me was - I kid you not- "Now, are you Baptist or Methodist?" I answered "Episcopalian". She looks at me funny, and then replies "How'dyou spell that?".
The most frequent question I got the three months we lived here was "Have you found a church home yet?" We are still getting invites to visit. Our son actually goes to the Methodist youth group, as the TINY, and I mean TINY Episcopal Church here has my kidsd as its youth.

Anonymous said...

I grew up in a dual-religious family, mom was ROMAN CATHOLIC (there was/is a difference than just being "Catholic") and dad was a semi-practicing Southern Baptist (aren't they all...LOL!)

Ennywaiz.... to keep peace in the family ("....blessed are the peacemakers...") I obliged both sides of the family and went to Sunday School / Bible Study AND Wednesday AM Mass AND Sat Evening Mass AND was an accolyte AND altar boy AND did CYO AND was baptized (TWICE) and confirmed on and so on and so on..

I've come to an everlasting conclusion about my religious upbringing and spirituality:

"Catholics throw way-better parties!"

--Now go in peace--

Anonymous said...

ohh... had to offer this one bit on keeping "the peace" when I got married. My wife's family is 110% SUTH-ern BAP-tist! And mom is/was ROMAN Cathlik!!

So when we got engaged...there was the delimma of where the blessed event was to take place. I certainly didn't want a Catholic wedding...too much wear and tear on the knees...and too dang long. And I didn't really like the idea of an "alter-call" of people being swept up in the emotion of our nuptials to find a need to testify and/or be saved ( hey..this was to be OUR day, JC can take a break...he'll be around later ).

So... me and the lovely better-half came up with a solution: Let's go Episcopalian!! This way we have certain aspects from a celebration of the mass AND we keep it in the Protestant realm. I swear, St. Marks probably never saw sooo many bad hairstyles and miss-matched shirts and ties as that day. Plus you should've seen the look on the country-folk when they saw the big church and they nearly jumped outta the pews when the organist blew 'em out during the recessional clarion of horns sequence.

Looking back, the only thing I wish I could change...was my wife's choice of tuxedo's....gawd..they look so "That 70's Show" or what!!

27 years of bliss and counting...

Darrell said...

We were married at St. Mark's, too. I was Roman at the time. So, we had a bishop and priests of both persuasions. We brought 'em in and kept 'em a while.

Unknown said...

Does St. Marks allow itself to be used by non parishoners and non-Episcopalians? That doesn't seem right to me, like people are just renting the facility because of the grandeur and long aisle. I know that the Cathedral of St. Johns has rules about this.

Darrell said...

I don't know. I'll ask.

Anonymous said...

This was back in '81 so maybe the rules have changed. But I know several folks (non-members) who had their weddings there. I attended church there (infrequently) but I did drop a dime or two when the collection came by.

Yep...CathOliks and their rules..kinda why I left it behind. Big underscore for me was when mom had terminal cancer and moved in with me and the missus when we were in Dallas. She requested last rites and when I called the nearest Catholic church, they almost refused 'cuz she wasn't a member of that parish.

I asked 'em "How Much"...that always seems to give the holy folks a "change of heart". True story.

Was never a member at St. Marks and I doubt seriously I'll ever be a member of anything church-like again!!

--I wouldn't join a club that would have me as a member--

Groucho Marx