Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Mounting Frustrations and Stomach Aches

I keep looking for the good news in this set of circumstances which has been thrust upon me.
Let’s see: I have had four days of gastrointestinal distress, and it’s getting worse. Maybe I’ll lose weight.
I am discovering the kindness in people. A couple of bankers and an attorney of my acquaintance have shown mercy to me and provided services which typically would have a fee attached.

Here’s the thing, just to catch you up: A member of my family has abruptly fallen ill, doesn’t seem to be getting any better and the prognosis is poor. This doesn’t mean he’s dying. It appears he will just stay sick for a long, long time. Sick enough that he needs a lot of help making decisions. Sick enough that he can’t really leave his hospital room.

Oh, but he MUST leave his hospital room because his benefits are running out. So, somebody (me) has to find a place for him to go where his insurance will pay. The kinds of places we’re talking about are not the kinds of places people want to go. They’re the kinds of places where, if you go there, you will immediately think “holy crap, this is my last stop?(!)” It might not be. It could be, but if it were me, I’d be down for the count.

Knowing how emotionally difficult this move will be, I’m dreading even talking about it. But I must.
For some reason, I’m having a hard time truly accepting that people want to help. It turns out, I’m in conflict because at my core I’m a desperately needy person; but I really don’t want to bother anybody with my troubles. The exception is my wife, who continues to affirm my belief that she is just a gift from heaven itself.

I recently had the opportunity to spill my troubles onto the plate of an intelligent and insightful person I know. He said, “You seem to believe that your wife is the only person who accepts the imperfect you.” That is a disquietingly accurate observation.

I mean, this isn’t about ME, this is about the sick person…but the sick person’s troubles are dominating me and I can’t seem to shake loose of it all. For instance, I finally got the Power of Attorney I need to get some things rolling. Or so I thought. I went to Sick person’s bank and while the “personal banker” was very helpful, the legal department at Big Bank’s corporate office was not satisfied with the POA. This despite that I used one of the largest and most respected law firms in town to draw it up. It’s good enough for every other bank, but not for the legal geniuses of big Bank, wherever they are.
So, what has to happen? For the second time, we have to assemble in Sick Person’s room a Notary Public and two witnesses, get Sick person to sign another POA…reassemble all the papers again and try to satisfy Big Bank.

And this guy has some kind of unusual insurance mix. So, one or two doctors’ offices have declined the opportunity to see him because they can’t figure out how to get paid. But, if they just worked a little harder, they WOULD get paid. But, why work harder? So, to arrange for care & feeding, etc…I’m having to take three or four steps each instead of one. It’s killin’ me.

So now, I’m doing coping skills…trying to discipline myself to deal with the circumstances that are placed before me today and today only. Worry about tomorrow tomorrow, and all that. It’s not easy. Now, if you’ll excuse me…I gotta go to the bathroom.

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