Who's Your Best Friend?

Not long ago, my daughter asked me, “Dad, who is your best friend?” A young girl likely would expect a short, simple answer, most likely a name. If she were to be asked the same question, the answer probably would change month to month. It would depend upon with whom she has been spending the most time recently or who was mean to her at school that day. For a middle-aged man, the answer is significantly more complex.
The short answer, at least for me, would be “your mother.” Certainly my wife is the person I count on the most and the one I see every day. I enjoy her company immensely. I don’t think that’s what my daughter was looking for, though. Mom is a given.
So, how does one define “best friend?” The concept seems kind of juvenile. Why must someone be labeled as such? Am I looking for the person with whom I’ve been friends the longest? If so, the answer is easy. The guy I shared a desk with in first grade, who was best man in my wedding and is godfather to my children earns that distinction with ease. However, he lives five hours away. We talk often, but we only see one another once a year or so. We do have a lifetime of shared memories to fall back on, and spending time with him is effortless. For more than forty years he has been the one constant in my life. It’s not as if I can meet him after work for dinner or just drop by and hang out with his family, though.
Is your best friend the person you like the most, the one you’re always happy to see? If that’s the case, there’s another strong candidate. There are people for whom I have strong affection, and yet I’m not all that social with them. Maybe the spouses don’t get along or we’ve drifted apart over the years. I ran into one such person recently. Feeling particularly open, I said “I know we don’t see one another very often, but I hope you know I count you among my friends. Love is love.” The response was gratifying: “I feel exactly the same way.” It was a risk, but the reward was terrific.
AS I was struggling with a response to my daughter’s question, I thought of someone else. I told her that there is a person who I’m always happy to see and whose company I consistently enjoy. Does that define my best friend? I know that person has other friends who are closer. So, this begs another question. Does best friendship have to be mutual? I don’t have the answers. This is just something to think about.
We get so busy with work and kids and our myriad activities that sometimes we don’t do friendship maintenance. I’m suggesting we all take the time to thank our friends. There’s a line in the song “What a Wonderful World” that points out how uncomfortable many of us are about expressing our affection: “I see friends shaking hands, saying ‘how do you do?’ They’re really saying ‘I love you.’” It’s true.
Try reaching out to the people who are important to you. Don’t take for granted that they realize it. Express your friendship. I called my old first-grade deskmate just to say hello. I wrote an e-mail to someone else to thank him for his friendship.
Coincidentally, I got a card from someone thanking me for “putting up with” him. Giving and receiving these expressions of friendship is uplifting. Don’t be surprised if some people are uncomfortable with it. Given the state of things, that’s to be expected. It’ emotionally risky, but the rewards can be fantastic.
Who knows? You might found out who your best friend is.

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