These Things Are Stuck in My Craw

Does anybody really know what a craw is?

I know it is September, but temperatures are still getting into the 90’s every day. Can’t we all agree that it’s still HOT? Then, why do the TV weather people insist on saying it will be “cooler?” In order for the temperatures to be cooler, isn’t it self-evident that they have been cool to start? See what I’m saying? It can’t be “cooler,” if it’s not already cool. Don’t they mean it won’t be as hot? Or, have we reached a point in our lives as Southerners that 90 degrees can be classified as cool? I’m here to say no temperature can legitimately called “cool” unless it starts with a “6” or a lower digit….

I’ve noticed that some people have trouble grasping the consonant sound combination which sounds like “ts,” or “nce.” For instance, “license” is a singular word. “I need to renew my driver’s license.” Inevitably, someone will ask, “Did you get ‘em?”…as opposed to the more correct, “ Did you get it?” Conversely, there is the infamous media pass for a game at Shreveport’s “Independent Stadium.” This actually happened. Perhaps more egregious: the usually excellent superintendent of Caddo Parish schools heard on the radio saying something will cost “fifty cent.” That’s just inexcusable, in my view. One more example: a service station attendant in LeCompte, Louisiana with a name tag indicating she is called “Constant.”

My last annoying observation comes from Tiger Stadium in Baton Rouge, where vendors were distracting me. Their little tags said ”Soda Water $3.00.” It was bottled spring water, just like Dasani or Ozarka or Evian. It’s not sparkly or soda or anything. I just want to know they they’re calling it “Soda Water,” when it’s not.

It’s not my last one, after all. This reminds me of a bonus annoyance: If it’s mayonnaise, it’s mayonnaise. If it’s salad dressing (Miracle Whip), it is NOT Mayonnaise. They’re both white and spreadable, but they do not taste alike. At the cafeteria at work, they make sandwiches. The ladies there offer you mustard or mayonnaise. It’s NOT mayo. I tried to explain it once, after I nearly gagged on my turkey & Swiss, but Apparently I’m the only one who cares.

I’m finished for now. Thank you.

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